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Scout on 2026/Perish

 

I pine, I perish. I watch myself from above as I lose my mind over a glance and a laugh. It glazes over me like the silky mixture covering donuts, but in my case, it doesn’t sweeten me; it hardens like a crust. It pretends to be enough to hide that delicate, doughy base underneath. It pretends like the lights above don’t burn their eyes, and the sound of the televisions doesn’t fry their brain. I enjoy light distractions until I get upset with myself for running from reality. You can only run from the world for so long before it comes banging at your door, pushing aside the glaze and releasing you, all dough.

I always dreamed of being a righteous politician, changing the world in a fair system that would reward my intelligence and integrity. Now I watch my country become the opposite of what it was, what I was taught it stood for. Born and raised in the United States, with the language and culture of Egypt in my veins. I believed that being here was better, being an American, whether people perceived me as one, because this was the home of the brave and the land of the free. It is neither, as I watch people murdered in cold blood without a glance.

Who am I to question? Who am I to believe I can help? Who am I but another brown target with deluded dreams? I look back at history, look back as far as I possibly can, and wonder how its values were twisted to convince me I wasn’t walking on spilled blood. I realize that they’ll own me whether I stand here or in Egypt, whether I run or stay. No amount of light can falter my gaze, no one can make me lose focus, no news channel can play this in anyone’s favor. I understand that today, this is important. Today will be history, today will be compared to tomorrow, and therefore, it must be recognized. It is more than a violation of the Constitution, more than a violation of human rights, more than a dictatorship. It is the rejection of my identity as an American. I pine, I perish.

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