Skip to main content

Scout on Systems/Take Flight Part 1

 The bird was the first warning. The small puddle surrounding its body stayed untouched during the storm. Its feathers lay flat and well-kempt against its frame as its stiff legs pointed to the sky. Even in its last moments, it desired the freedom of the winds and the strength of flight. Its eyes stayed open, watching us walk around it on gloomy days and gloomy evenings. We didn’t have the soul to remove it; warnings often meant more when they stared you in the face.

            Eventually, its wings became blackened by the clouds, its legs limp and pointing in whatever direction the wind desired, and its eyes finally closed. Only then did the Sun come out. That was the last time it clouded my sight; what the clouds couldn’t erase, the Sun protected. Even the bird couldn’t escape its fate, so what chance did I have without any wings? After all, the Sun never shined on me.

            The Corridors were always darkened when the Sun came out. It was a trick of the mind; the contrast of light and dark deceiving me. It was always gloomy in the Corridors, through rain and shine.  The Corners were similar; not a glimpse of light beside the Identifier’s glasses shining off the metal walls. I slipped through the door of Corner 341 and prayed that for once I would go unnoticed.

“Hamala, you’re late. The Session began before your entrance. What will you present me with?” the Identifier asked.

I sighed as I closed the Corner door. I knew I had nothing to give her but my presence and that would not be enough.

“I don’t have anything to give you, Ms. I,” I said gingerly. I knew it was the last straw.

“You know they don’t like it when you call me that. Come and stand before me. You have no more Freedoms,” she said sternly, questioning my reaction.

I stepped into the glare of the glasses that fell almost off her nose. The frame she ‘looked’ through had stolen the light from her eyes; what was in front of her I knew she couldn’t understand as well as before.

“Is there something, anything, you can possibly give to me?” she asked.

I looked around us; the Hands were hunched over their desks, scratching whatever they could to make the Identifier happy. I didn’t have anything but to use my last resort, the only valuable thing I could give anyone.

“I have- I can make something for you,” I said while looking at my feet.

She titled her head in amusement, and possibly a bit of fear.

“Go on…”

It was most likely a bad decision, to trust any Identifier with a Verse. Yet she listened, and her eyes shined from the light in mine. It was agreed that I would use my Verse to make an image. A simple artwork, using paper and pencil.

I would make a drawing of a bird, a dead bird. The Identifier began to cough hysterically, attempting to cover the tears that streamed down her weathered face. She had received her third warning; there would be no more Mrs. I for first period. In fact, there would be no Mrs. I. The Hands didn’t glance up; she would be gone, and they need not present her with anything else, not even compassion.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. I,” I said.

She looked up at me, past her glasses and the screen over her eyes.

“Call me Hazel. Hazel Cannavan,” she said, and I felt that for the first time, she was truly there. Only for a second, or maybe half of one, I saw her face fall back to the lovely expression it had prided itself in so long ago. The weight on her mind crumbled, and she was free.

            The Siren sounded, and the Hands stood to commemorate the dismissal of Mrs. I. It began to announce:

Identifier of Corner 341, please report to present your Dues.

Everyone began to clap as Mrs. I left the room in the happiest state I had ever seen her. Death does not kill a person; one’s soul dies when they walk the earth without life. We were never told that death is the Dues paid, but anyone who read beyond the lines would know. There weren’t many Hands that did though; it was easier to read inside them.

“Leave it on my desk when you finish, will you?” Mrs.I said as she closed the door behind her.

“I will, Hazel,” I whispered.

Who was I to deny her dying wish?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Scout on Cycles/Without Fail

      And so I return, back to the black and white letters and the soft clacking of the keyboard. I return after the rejection of my fragility, knowing now that the escape is temporary. How can I find meaning in this obscure trouble? How can I continue to be angry at the fleeting wind? When all is said in done, I sit in crowded rooms alone and listen to phones ring without an answer. I look around only to count how many people have run from me, mistreated me, and spit on my name. Shallow walls swallow me in whenever I walk, cloudy air consumes my sentences whenever I speak. That pit in my stomach doesn’t leave because it is my soul; broken, abused, self-pitying, and pathetic, but still my soul. It and I long for the day that it will be free to find its purpose. Today, I watched the breeze shuffle through the leaves, and I remembered the days when I would stare up at it and wonder if it was all the same. Every road had trees almost exactly alike, which I learned from...

Scout on Knowing/Tamo

  Tamo had hair that stuck up like it was animated, and probably the biggest eyes that I had ever seen. He used to cry almost every day, and just as often, I would get frustrated. Shouldn’t a six-year-old be past this stage? I wanted him to apply himself, to use the intelligence he clearly had. I taught him and the other seven or eight kids alone for almost a month, and eventually, the crying stopped. I told myself that it was I who had gotten him here, and my efforts had a true effect on him. There I was, feeling so proud about how good he was doing, when he went and started crying again. It hurt me when the waterworks came, and he wouldn’t explain why, just stare at me for periods as if he had something to say. I would ask what’s wrong, and he would shake his head, and I couldn’t do anything to get him back to his seat. Today was different, though; he hardly had any energy to cry. He lay on the floor, watching me again, but something had changed. No matter what teacher or parent ...

Scout on Trying/Mud

  The mud was the first sign. It was freezing outside, and I couldn’t find my gloves, so I tried to push the ice away from my car with my bare hands. They were numb, but it felt good. I was told my car would have trouble because of the ice, but it was the mud that kept swallowing it back into the ditch. I think that sums up maturing pretty well because what people tell you will be a problem almost never is. The ‘virtues’ of life come in as Trojan horses, and I naively let them in with an open heart and a blank mind. My mind was blank then, too, when I was pressing the gas as hard as I could, and instead of moving, I was treated with the fine smell of gas and burnt rubber. They told me to get rid of the mud so I could get out, but I couldn’t get rid of the mud unless the car got out. I was met with the same paradox that my therapist had presented me with: to become happy, you must practice the things you love, but I could only practice the things I loved once I was happy. Eventual...