Scout E.S. in the Shadows

  Five days ago, he called. Said he was lost, that he ‘needed’ me. I’ve heard that one before, I told him, and shut the phone. I regretted it immediately, of course; I loved him, would never stop loving him, but I couldn’t do that to myself again. I couldn’t settle for carelessness when it was all I had known, when it was everything that had damaged me and everything I despised. There were sleepless nights were I had sat repeating to myself that I deserved better, I deserved someone who noticed when I was there and when I wasn’t, what I liked and what I hated, what I wanted and not just what I needed. It's Friday night, and I sit waiting in front of my phone for his call. Deep down, I don’t believe I can do better. What made me any more deserving of love than anyone else? I should take it in any shape, way, or form that it comes because it’s better than nothing. It’s better than sleeping alone. A small, younger part of me doesn’t truly think that. It’s the part of me that doesn’t...