I used to see art in loneliness. How intelligent must a person be to have the power to stand on their own? I'm not sure if I was wrong or if I have a skewed perspective now that I am lonely. I’ve realized that it’s less of a choice and more of a punishment. My soul is dying to leap out, to escape whatever trap I’ve set. I keep it in, with everything else, and I'm small again. I’m crying on bathroom floors in grade school, my tears flooding the ground, and I blame it on the sinks. Pouring, and pouring, and pouring, but I still deny that something is wrong. How can it be when I still work, study, and eat? How can it be when no one can tell? And when I’m crouched down, I become a silhouette, and it’s like nothing ever existed at all. If so, why does anything matter? Everything is black and white, and I flash between both because I can't make up my mind about anything. I can’t decide if I hate my family for not being what I needed or if I love them for trying. I can’t te...
On the other side of the glass, I see the perfect version of myself. She walks with a skip in her step, and nothing about herself keeps her up at night or down in the morning. Everyone she knows loves her, and she finds a way to love them back. She has everything, she is everything, and her confidence is unwavering. The days behind the glass are long because they’re spent clawing at myself until I bleed. Why can’t you feel like them, love them like them, be loved like them? I hate when my reflection is too clear, when those eyes look as if they’ve rejected the idea of happiness. The glass breaks. At the shift of my image, I get angry with myself. You, in all your light and life and experience, sit here digging holes through yourself because you don’t fit a perfect mold? You sit here hating the color of your skin, your eyes, your hair, your body, your face, when you have everything to be grateful for? The wall shatters onto me, destroying the person that I ruthlessly despised, a...